Heart crisis

It's about a year since I've never write on this blog. Many things are too complicated to explain.

It's a matter of heart. It is sensitive to talk about it but well, the rice is now porridge.
I was really close to him, I tried so hard to keep everything well. With all our plans and dreams......
Till the appearance of a third person ruin everything...
man is like a cat, although full with food, when there is fish served, he will catch it.

I smell a rat since I got there. if before he did not want me to let him go anywhere alone, at that time he never asked me to accompany him. No more weekend. The reasons are always because of work. I be at the end of one's tether and asked for a break up. No responds for a month and then "sorry" was the word that came out of that poisonous lips.

Forgiveness was what I have that time. But after a couple of months it happened again. No confession. Only anger came out everytime I wanted to ask about it. He said "nothing wrong". What a betrayal. He even accused a friend as the source of trouble.

But it is now over. If only he knows what that third person told his friend...
Hopefully someday he will regret what he has done.

It was really hurt before. Never ending anxiety, sadness and tears till I got sick. Really sick. Lost weight and almost out of my mind.

But many friends of mine support me and tell me that it's better to know it now than later. Many people love me and I cannot let myself drown in this crisis only because one person.

Time will be the healer

Although it is hard for me to forget, but I will never stop trying

28/7/11 (11:57)

Freedom from the shadow of your past

Today, I felt so blessed with the sermon. We have to be free from the shadow of our past.
David fasted for his no name child before the child passed away. However, after his son passed away, David did otherwise. He commanded the servant to prepare great supper.

That means that he wanted to be free from the shadow of his past. He didn't want to look back.

Nowadays, after facing failures, many people trap on their past. Some say "If only I still have this and that and this and that....". The thing is, we have to lock the gate that can bring us to our past and find a key to open a new gate that can let us move forward and be realistic about our future.

Thank you God...
I've got another lesson from you. Sorry if I complain and compare about my past sometimes.

what an (absolutely) tough semester

Oh dear, it sorta hard to say...
This semester suppose to be the most relaxing semester ever
six classes only:
Ethics w/ ma'am Retno
Political Communication w/ mr.Hendra
Organizational Communication w/ mr.Agus
Development of Communication w/ mr.Mahayoni
Advanced PR w/ Ms. Itha Tobing
and Quantitative Research Method w/ Mr. J.Raco

Supposely I enjoy this semester as never before...
Last semester I had six classes... w/ 24 credits and it was like really...really... busy
Now, when I only have 6 classes, 17 credits, 4 days of in a row every single week, I cannot really enjoy life. I don't know why...
I need an internship place... this "ACUTE HEADACHE" I've been having so far in this semester... absorb my weight and my brain...

Waka waka - eh eh...

ZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzz

Internship Preparation

Internship... Internship...
I used to be very excited about doing my internship till the 6th semester came...
Everything is not as easy as what I've ever imagined.

Let me elaborate it:
Confused... worried... scared... nervous... ummm what else could it be? I gotta prepare my CV, proofread it, send it, then I have to wait for replies from companies while I suppose to get a place for internship by the due date.

One company on my list has been listed off since they replied me by a mail said that they cannot receive any intern currently...
Honestly, I felt worse when I found out that some of friends of mine are settled with this internship thingy...

The limit of reference letters made me think twice on picking my prospective internship place. I've been waiting for almost a month and I haven't get any.

Oh my, oh my, oh my, I'm starting to get tired...
"Persistence" and "perseverance" two words in which I always use to motivate my friends when they are down is now reflected to me. I feel like those are now examined back to me...

All in all, I still have a very firm faith that I will get the best according to my God's will

I put my trust in You...

28/06/2010 (19:49)

Shore of the beach

When I went to Manado for Vacation last May, I spent to much time having fun using my allowance. It was almost the last day of vacation when I realized that I'm out of allowance which means no eating out(That's the favorite thing I like to do if I am there).

I got no idea n started to get bored. Then, my lovely hun..bun.. called me and gave me an idea to go to the beach. Earlier, I was not interested at all. Imagine, what is interesting from a super hot place 36 celcius degrees, with a bunch of people sitting there and sight of trashes?

After all, I went there anyway. When I took a brief look, I 100% had no interest toward it. Then I tried to search for another spot, walking in the shore of the beach till I found a quiet place, with big palm trees surrounding, and a bench that is fit right only for two person.

We sat there just the two of us but we did not talk each other. I started to get busy with my neuronical activities. My brain started to get some inspiration and focus on two small boats. One is green and the other one is blue. Both looked old. I don't know how long were those things have been there, but the beauty of those just never gone. Furthermore, the combination of those, the shore and the beach created a beautiful scenery. The shore has soft sands and the wave from the water of the beach was powerful plus the palm trees created shady side of the shore and the boats, yeah... the boats, although they were old, they can made a difference, stood out in a very wide side of shore. Very compatible...

I now learn that, everything has it's own function and everything are created because it is meant to be created and not without purpose. No matter what and no matter how. Never think to look down to anything or anyone. Everything are created to live in accord.


06/22/10 (3:40 PM)

True Love Never Has Expire Date

True love never has expire date?
Is it really exist? or is it just exist in a fairy tale?

Most of you must be astonished when you hear or see that saying. Some of you even wonder either you will ever feel it or not. Don't you?

When we talk about true love, most of you might think about the feeling of a man and a woman who loves each other. They feel the happiness when they are together. Some of you might think that true love is the love of a mother who gives birth a child.
Those might be some parts of true love, but it is not the entire true love that I'm talking about.

True love is not merely words. True love is not just about emotion.......

So, what is true love???

True love is when you never take anything but you keep on giving
True love is when you become the umbrella when the day is raining
True love is when you can bring the warmness in a cold situation
True love is when you can forgive the mistakes of others not forget
True love is when you can give a smile to your enemy
True love is when you never take a granted of anything
True love is when you never ask anything in return
True love is (add as you want when you figure something out)
To bring it up to the real world, you might want to refer to your religion books or bible. I am not going to say anything that I don't know.

So, this is what I know according to my belief: GOD is love.
Anything that he has done from the past until now on, are the reflection of the "Never Expire True Love" that can be followed and implemented by us to Him (Vertically) and to our neighbors (Horizontally).

(06/21/10) 1:00 PM

Public Speaking (Persuasive speech)

When I was in 4th semester of my PR major in President University , I took Public Speaking course where I have to construct speeches. This was the last and the best speech of mine in 4th semester. I got an A for it. It was a 5 to 8 minutes speech. It's not just about the content thou but it is also about the fact (soft and hard evidence) and delivery (vocal, gesture, eye contact, etc). When you wanna read it, read it with feeling, with passionate... pretend that you are in a big class listen to a speech of a great speaker that you really like(it's not me thou...) maybe your priest, the youth councelor or else.


Imagine… you hit something on the road… very very hard .Your car is broken… the tires are ruined, the doors are smashed, the mirrors are broken, the bumper is damaged and the hood is rotten. Imagine… your blood is everywhere, sprain like a red tomato sauce rain. You need to get into surgery room because you break your legs and arms and resulting fractures everywhere, you need to use neck support and get brain surgery just because you hit your head…you also lose your beauty and handsome faces as you have wounds around your face and you only have one more thing in your mind to pretend that it is not as bad as what you thought. You consider yourself lucky enough because at least you are not death. Hey, you are lying. It is even worse than what you have ever imagined. Moreover, if the accident had other victims which are not deserve to be the victims. That is why I would like to present about drunk driving and hope that after I present about it, we will understand the effect of it, avoid it, and remind our friends out there to avoid it as well so, we can reduce it and hopefully stop it.

Many people get drunk when they go partying, clubbing, or hanging out with their friend. After party, they go back home driving, ignoring the risk that could happen because they just want to get home soon.Some other people get drunk because they have big pressure of their problems. They become out of control. Yet, when they are drunk, they want to go somewhere else and drive.Those two causes will put the people in poor coordination, temporarily color-diffusion, disorientation, blackouts, slurred speech, poor self-esteem and double vision if they drive. The outcomes are mostly similar. Accidents that can cause injury even death. Once again, you might trouble others as victim, not only you yourself.

In transportation term, they measure the alcohol percentage per deciliter blood. According to Dr.Abraham Simatupang, MKes, an hour after you drink two bottles of beers, if your weight is about 60 kilograms, the alcohol percentage in your blood is 0.06% which means your accident risk if you drive is eleven times bigger than the driver that does not drunk. Even the General Director of World Health Organization, Margareth Chan, admits that one of the biggest factor of traffic accident is drunk driving.

Just see, Alwi Shihab, a lecturer in Hartford Seminary United States research that in United States, there are more than 100 thousands youngsters under 25 years old death because of drunk-driving accidents. Unluckily Indonesia do not have such data either from the Statistic Bureau or from the Police Department. But if I can estimate from the report of Koran Manado that in a district there are about 20 drunk driving victims and assume that there are 30 provinces that consist of ten district. We can calculate 20 victims per month times 30 provinces times 10 district times 12 months, it means around 72 thousands victims every year. It is a surprising number, isn’t it???

Last year, a friend of mine who was only 19 years old went out partying with some other friends and it happened that they all get drunk. As they went high, they force themselves to went back home. Unfortunately, they got an accident right in front of the police housing and office. My friend was okay but the passengers had wounds everywhere and one of them suffer with paralysis. Even though there is no direct regulation about drunk-driving, they have to be responsible to the police, parents and many other people because of that accident. Do you want to be in the same case as they are? I am sure, no one wants to. Furthermore, since Indonesia does not have strict policy about drunk driving yet in Indonesia lets drive safely. That is why do not drive when you are drunk to keep yourself alive.